Dutifulness to the Parents
Allah has made parents the source of happiness, the garden of compassion and affection. Their rights are immense, and their goodness surpasses all other creations. There is no one greater in kindness - nor more virtuous - than parents.
Being dutiful to parents is the character of the prophets, the habit of the righteous, and the cause of relieving distress, multiplying blessings, and answering prayers. It opens the heart and makes life sweet. Allah Almighty said in the description of His prophet Yahya, peace be upon him:
“And dutiful to his parents, and he was not a disobedient tyrant”. (Surah Maryam: 19:14)
And He said about Jesus, peace be upon him:
وَبَرًّۢا بِوَٰلِدَتِى وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِى جَبَّارًۭا شَقِيًّۭا ٣٢
“And dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant”.
(Surah Maryam: Ayat 32)
Being dutiful to parents is the virtue of noble people, evidence of excellence and perfection, and it is a path to Paradise. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said: "The father is the middle door of Paradise (i.e. the best way to Paradise), so it is up to you whether you take advantage of it or not."
(Narrated and authenticated by At-Tirmidhi)1
Their rights are obligatory, next to the rights of Allah the Almighty:
۞ وَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًۭا وَبِذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ وَٱلْمَسَـٰكِينِ وَٱلْجَارِ ذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْجَارِ ٱلْجُنُبِ وَٱلصَّاحِبِ بِٱلْجَنۢبِ وَٱبْنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًۭا فَخُورًا ٣٦
“Worship Allah ˹alone˺ and associate none with Him. And be kind to parents, relatives, orphans, the poor, near and distant neighbours, close friends, ˹needy˺ travellers, and those ˹bondspeople˺ in your possession. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant, boastful,”
(Surah An-Nisa: : Ayat 36)
Being dutiful to both parents is a beloved deed to Allah and is superior to striving in the cause of Allah. Ibn Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated: “I asked the Prophet, peace be upon him, which action is dearest to Allah and he replied, “Prayer at its proper time.” I asked what came next, and he replied that it was kindness to parents. I asked what came next and he replied that it was jihad in path of Allah'. (Bukhari and Muslim)."1
Being dutiful to parents is a path to Paradise. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "Let him be humbled, let him be humbled. It was said: Allah's Messenger, who is he? He said. He who finds his parents in old age, either one or both of them, and does not enter Paradise”.
(Muslim)2
Have Hope for Your Parents
Make your parents hopeful that you will be among those whose conduct is virtuous and whose character is noble, with a steadfast commitment to righteousness and a distance from wicked deeds and immoral actions. Do not fall prey to deviation, or become a captive to pleasures and desires, or a victim of ignorance and whims.
Do not squander your hope as well as theirs in you for a moment of temptation or an hour of negligence. Choose your companions wisely and seek their company. For if the soul is left to its whims, it will go astray and lead others astray. But if it is purified, it will acquire the beauty of righteousness, the gentleness of virtues, and the excellence of character.
And whoever does not control himself from indulging in doubtful matters has fallen into heedlessness, torn their conscience, ruined himself, lost the respect of others, and killed the hopes of their parents and relatives them..
Maintaining Family Ties
Maintaining family ties, known as "Silat al-Rahim," is among the acts of worship that are beloved to Allah and one of the best forms of obedience. It is from Allah's bounty and generosity that He has made maintaining family ties a source of blessings and an increase in the servant's provisions. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “He who wishes to have his earnings grow (and be blessed) and his term of life prolonged, he should keep ties with his kin” Related by Al-Bukhari”. (Agreed upon)1
It is obligatory for a Muslim to be connected and maintain ties with their relatives. It is preferable to designate a specific day of the week to visit relatives and engage in conversations with them. This practice brings tranquillity to the heart.
Maintaining family ties should not distract a person from seeking knowledge, spreading the message of Islam, or benefiting others. Visiting relatives is a blessing in life, and whoever desires an increase in blessings should increase his efforts in maintaining family ties. Ibn At-Tin2 , may Allah have mercy on him, said, "Maintaining family ties is a means of success in obedience and abstaining from disobedience. After death, it remains as a beautiful remembrance, as if the person has not died".3
A Muslim should not underestimate the importance of maintaining family ties. Showing kindness to relatives is the duty of every person, as they deserve care, attention, respect, and protection. Allah, the Most High, says:
“وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ مِنۢ بَعْدُ وَهَاجَرُوا۟ وَجَـٰهَدُوا۟ مَعَكُمْ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ مِنكُمْ ۚ وَأُو۟لُوا۟ ٱلْأَرْحَامِ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلَىٰ بِبَعْضٍۢ فِى كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّهِ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِكُلِّ شَىْءٍ عَلِيمٌۢ ٧٥.”
And those who later believed, migrated, and struggled alongside you, are also with you. However, only blood relatives are now entitled to inherit from one another, as ordained by Allah. Surely Allah has ˹full˺ knowledge of everything.1
(Surah Al-Anfal: : Ayat 75)
Maintaining family ties is a means of success in life and a source of wealth. Allah, in His wisdom, has made it a means of honour. Keeping family ties is a noble act of worship and one of the best deeds. Amr ibn Dinar1, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "There is no step taken after the obligatory acts of worship that carries greater reward than visiting relatives."2
Your relative is a part of you. If you treat them well, you are treating yourself well. If you withhold kindness from them, you are depriving yourself. And Allah created the kinship and named them after Himself, and our Lord promised to maintain the connection of those who maintain ties with them. The prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him, said: “Are you not satisfied that I should keep relationship with one who joins your ties of relationship and sever it with one who severs your (ties of relationship)? They (the ties of blood) said: Certainly so. Thereupon He said: Well, that is how things are for you.” (Agreed upon)3
The bond of kinship is connected to the Throne of Allah, saying: "Whoever maintains me, I maintain him. Whoever severs me, I sever him." (Agreed upon)1
Maintaining family ties wards off afflictions, by the permission of Allah, and elevates calamities from a person. Whoever is connected with Allah (Al-Raheem) receives every goodness, and no one severs him. But whoever is cut off by the Almighty, no human being can maintain them, and they will live in distress.
How to Keep a Good Relationship with My Kin?
Maintaining family ties is achieved through making a commitment to visit them, honouring and respecting them, visiting them when they are sick, facilitating assistance to those in need, and checking on their well-being.
In modern means of communication, there are aids to fulfil this act of worship. Through staying connected, the bridge of compassion and love extends. By exchanging letters and messages, the bond of friendship is sustained. And by conveying greetings, the covenant is renewed.
Utilize any permissible means to strengthen the bonds with your relatives when performing this act of worship.
Inviting your relatives, directing them, guiding them, and advising them is more obligatory for you than offering them to others. Allah, glorified be He, says:
وَأَنذِرْ عَشِيرَتَكَ ٱلْأَقْرَبِينَ ٢١٤
“And warn, [O Muhammad], your closest kindred.”
(Surah Ash-Shuara, :Ayat 214)
My Relatives Mistreat Me.
Relatives are not equal when it comes to maintaining kinship, love, and mercy. Upholding family ties is a great act of worship that should not be done in response to people's actions nor abandoned due to the neglect of others. A Muslim is one who maintains ties with their relatives, even if they sever ties with them, not seeking any reward but purely for the sake of worshipping Allah, the Most High. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, “The one who maintains ties of kinship is not the one who reciprocates. The one who maintains ties of kinship is the one who, when his relatives cut him off, maintains ties of kinship." (Al-Bukhari)1
Even though the Prophet's own relatives who were disbelievers harmed him severely, he still maintained ties with them and said, “But I will uphold the ties of kinship with you.” (Muslim)2
Allah, glorified be He, says to the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, despite their enmity towards him,:
ذَٰلِكَ ٱلَّذِى يُبَشِّرُ ٱللَّهُ عِبَادَهُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ ۗ قُل لَّآ أَسْـَٔلُكُمْ عَلَيْهِ أَجْرًا إِلَّا ٱلْمَوَدَّةَ فِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ ۗ وَمَن يَقْتَرِفْ حَسَنَةًۭ نَّزِدْ لَهُۥ فِيهَا حُسْنًا ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌۭ شَكُورٌ ٢٣“Say, [O Muhammad], "I do not ask you for this message any payment [but] only good will through kinship."
(Surah Ash-Shuraa, : Ayat 23)
When a relative mistreats you, respond with kindness. This is the Islamic prescribed remedy. The one who does evil to you should be met with good. This act brings honour and elevation in the sight of Allah and earns respect from people. It requires self-control and restraining oneself from responding in kind. Allah, the Most High, says:
ٱدْفَعْ بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ ٱلسَّيِّئَةَ ۚ نَحْنُ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا يَصِفُونَ ٩٦
“Repel, by [means of] what is best, [their] evil.”
(Surah Al-Muminun, : Ayat 96)
Those who humble themselves before Allah can only attain this noble characteristic.
And there is another form of goodness in response to their mistreatment, which is to suppress anger. This is a characteristic of the people of Paradise. Allah, glorified be He, says:
۞ وَسَارِعُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتُ وَٱلْأَرْضُ أُعِدَّتْ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ ١٣٣
ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلْكَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلْغَيْظَ وَٱلْعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ ١٣٤
"And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous * Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good."
(Surah Al-Imran : Ayat 133-134)
In contrast, responding to their mistreatment with the same is the abandonment of maintaining family ties, fuelling division, and falling into the traps of Satan. A man came to the Prophet Muhammed, peace be upon him, and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives whom I maintain ties with, but they cut off ties with me. I am kind to them, but they behave rudely towards me. I am patient with them, but they are ignorant towards me." The Prophet, peace be upon him, responded, "If it is as you say, then it is as if you are feeding them ashes. And you will continue to have the support of Allah against them as long as you remain in this state."
(Muslim)1
References:
1 Book of dutifulness and Family Ties, Chapter on the Virtue of Pleasing Parents, Hadith number (1900), Narrated by Abu Darda, may Allah be pleased with him.
1 Sahih Bukhari, Book of Prayer Timings, Chapter on the Virtue of Praying at Its Appointed Time, Hadith number (527), and Sahih Muslim, Book of Faith, Chapter on the Superiority of Believing in Allah, Hadith number (85).
2 Book of dutifulness, Family Ties, and Manners, Chapter on the Humiliation of One Who Does Not Enter Paradise Despite Attaining the Presence of His Parents in Their Old Age, Hadith number (2551), Narrated by Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him.
1 Narrated by Al-Bukhari in the Book of Sales, Chapter: "Whoever desires expansion in provision" (2067), and by Muslim in the Book of Righteousness, Maintaining Family Ties, and Good Manners, Chapter: "Maintaining Family Ties and the Prohibition of Cutting Them" (2557), from the hadith of Anas bin Malik, may Allah be pleased with him.
2 He is Abu Muhammad Abdulwahid bin At-Tin As-Safaqsi, who passed away in 611 AH. Shajarat al-Nur al-Zakiyyah fi Tabaqat al-Malikiyyah (242/1).
3 Fath al-Bari by Ibn Hajar (416/10).
1 He is Abu Muhammad Amr ibn Dinar Al-Jumahi, their patron from Makkah, Al-Athram. He was born during the rule of Muawiyah in 45 AH or 46 AH and passed away in 126 AH. Siyar A'lam al-Nubala (5/300), Tadhkirat al-Huffaz by Al-Dhahabi (1/85).]
2 Mentioned in Makarim al-Akhlaq by Ibn Abi al-Dunya (p. 82).
3 Narrated by Al-Bukhari in the Book of Manners, Chapter: "Whoever maintains ties, Allah
will maintain ties with him," Hadith number (5987), and Muslim in the Book of Righteousness, Maintaining Family Ties, and Good Manners, Chapter: "Maintaining family ties and the prohibition of severing them," Hadith number (2554), from the narration of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him.
1 Narrated by Al-Bukhari in the Book of Manners, Chapter: "Whoever maintains ties, Allah will maintain ties with him," Hadith number (5989), and Muslim in the Book of Righteousness, Maintaining Family Ties, and Good Manners, Chapter: "Maintaining family ties and the prohibition of severing them," Hadith number (2555), from the narration of Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her.
1 Book of Etiquette, Chapter: The One who Maintains Family Ties is not the One who Reciprocates, Hadith number (5991), narrated by Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-Aas, may Allah be pleased with him.
2 Book of Faith, Chapter: Regarding the saying of Allah, the Most High, "And warn your closest kindred," Hadith number (204), narrated by Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him.
1 Book of Goodness, Maintaining Family Ties, and Etiquette, Chapter: The Obligation of Maintaining Family Ties and Prohibition of Cutting Them Off, Hadith number (2558), narrated by Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him.
